Here is the short version....mother dies when she is 18....she is devastated....at 19 she gets pregnant from a casual affair....and has an abortion. Notice her feelings when she does birth a child.
"It won’t be until over a decade later, when I am well into the actual world of parenthood, frazzled and overwhelmed with love and impatience for the tiny creature I have created, that I will realize that if I had actually had a baby at age nineteen it might have been the very thing that would have kept me from the years and years of misery and destruction ahead of me.
It won’t be until I am finally a mother myself, and not until my cheek rests against my child’s soft downy head, that I will realize the bleakness of what I did all those years before."
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