The Cry of Every Heart....

Excellent article from Lifeline Children's Services Joi Wasill.


His name is Malcolm.

I met him last Spring at an after school program where I was involved with a pilot teen mentoring project regarding sexual purity and teen pregnancy. This was our third afternoon together and I had just shared a very difficult section of the DCO program with these inner city kids: the impact of fatherlessness on children and our society. Realizing the fact that over 70% of African American  children live in mother-only homes, I knew that the majority of these kids were living the statistics we just covered. It is always hard sharing this information with a group of teens when you know that. In order for them to see the need to make changes in their own lives, however, the truth must be shared.

As I put my projector, laptop and materials away, Malcolm came back into the room. Before they leave the center, they are all fed a meal and he had his plate of spaghetti with him. He sat down. I wasn’t sure why he came in there with me as all of the other kids were eating out in the main room together. It was just me and Malcolm.

He said, “You know that stuff you said about kids not having a father?” I took a deep breath and said “yes”. “You are right. All I have ever wanted my whole life is for my dad to be there. I play football and I’m pretty good. He has never seen me play. He came around a little when I was a kid but I never see him anymore. I just don’t matter to him.” And then he began to cry.

I thought my heart would burst open. I sat down beside this big, strong, football playing child and hugged him real tight and told him how sorry I was that he was hurting. I prayed for him. We talked and then I left for the night. But Malcolm and I had shared a heart bonding experience that night. He would talk to me, help me carry things to my car and volunteer to do things with our project. His words forever etched on my heart: “I just don’t matter to him.”

Desire for a Daddy

As the director of the Decisions, Choices & Options teen education program for the past 11 years, I know all of the stats on fatherlessness, the impact it is having on our society and the horrible consequences it has for children. With over 41% of all children born in our country to unmarried mothers, it is a trend we must speak about, pray about and work to change. Every child across the globe shares the desire of Malcolm and his friends at the Boys & Girls club: they want a daddy. Every person created by our Sovereign God shares the desire to have a daddy, an ABBA, Father. Our first images and possibly lifelong impression of God will be formed by the impact of our earthly fathers. I thank God for my earthly father and how he taught me about God, showed me unconditional love and care and is a wonderful example of sacrificial fatherly love. But there are so many Malcolms out there. Both physically and spiritually their hearts cry out for Daddy.

“Fatherless No More”

As we seek to share the hope of the gospel, the benefits of adoption and the love provided by Christian families to children in foster care, may we seek God daily for his guidance, power, protection and wisdom. Malcolm and millions of orphans worldwide are depending on us to speak for them. We have been rescued from the kingdom of darkness by the marvelous grace of our loving, merciful Father. He longs to use us to help rescue children and families from the darkness of fatherlessness. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could say that our world is “Fatherless No More”?

Oh, and l saw Malcolm a few weeks ago. We started our teen mentoring program again and he just happened to stop by that day. We shared a big hug. I pray that one day he will know his heart’s desire: the love of his Abba, Father.

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father”. Romans 8:15

I’m not “giving up”

Statistics tell us that pregnant teen are choosing single parenting 50-55%, abortion, 30-35% and adoption is less than 1%.

Isn't this alarming?  Just imagine if we could reverse the statistics of abortion and adoption?  With 2MM couples waiting to adopt, why is adoption not even on the radar screen?

The reason appears to be that even in well written articles, we continue to frame adoption in outdated  and negative language.   Even  some professionals that deal with teens have an outdated,  inaccurate viewpoint of adoption generated by made for  TV movies that show anomalies or view adoption as it was in the 1970's.  Today we have open, semi open and confidential adoptions. Using negative adoption language contributes to this misrepresentation.

 A nonprofit Decisions, Choices and Options, was  started to correct these inaccurate views. This  copy written curriculum is now being presented in 8 states by 52 trained agencies. Since its inception by  Joi Wasill, an educator and mother by adoption in middle TN, this program  has presented to over 55, 000 high school students.

The next time you talk or write  about adoption, please consider the impact of your language.

Don't use Because Instead, say: Real, Natural parent Implies that adoptive relationships are artificial, tentative. Birth or Biological parents Own child Suggests that adoptive relationships are less important than biological relationships. Birth child, child by birth To keep Children are not possessions, and they need care, love, and commitment. It's not like "keeping" a thing. To parent Closed adoption Implies that the experience of adoption, rather than just contact between parents, is over. Confidential adoption Taken away, given  up Denotes that children are stolen or forgotten rather than adopted legally and with forethought. Birth parents always "keep" feelings for their children. Termination of parental rights Is adopted Adoption is a one-time event, not a definition of a person. Was adopted Available, unwanted Waiting children are wanted. The right family just has not been found, and they are not available to whoever is interested. In need of a family, waiting Adopted child, adoptive parents In most contexts, qualifiers are not needed. Adoption creates a full, permanent relationship. Son, daughter; or mom, dad Illegitimate Children born to unmarried parents should never be labeled or stigmatized. No replacement Give away, put up Does not accurately describe the birth parent's decision-making process and responsible choice. Make an adoption plan; choose adoption Hard to place Labels the child and unfairly places blame on him or her for needing an adoptive family. Child who has special needs, waiting child Foreign adoption While more acceptable in the past, today "foreign" has negative connotations. International adoption

UK: undercover reporter finds the only one mentioning adoption is not pregnancy resource centers but abortion provider!?!!!

This article in the Daily Mail is so frustrating  and educational. 

An undercover reporter in Great Britain presents as a pregnant,  single 26 year old professional  who is uncertain what to do. She does this assignment because of a  potential law being  debated in their Parliament  that would require abortion facilities  to offer free counseling from independent and separate  agencies not benefiting from the abortion decision. The article clearly states something that does not surprise me but no one in the States would admit this.....

"The leading private abortion clinics Marie Stopes International and the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS) both provide such counseling, but are paid per abortion, which hardly promotes independence."

Remember they have universal health care...but on to the point. The reporter goes to two abortion providers and four non profit pregnancy resource centers.  She finds the first two abortion providers spend a lot of time telling her that she should not feel guilty over choosing abortion and it was not a selfish decision. They also downplayed any abortion  risks and brushed off any discussion of parenting. 

What leaped out at me is the second abortion counselor was the only one who even mentioned the word ADOPTION.

She admitted to having low expectations of the faith based organizations but was complimentary of some of them. She felt less pressure, felt that they helped her talk through her options but they were life affirming and tried to help her picture her pregnancy as a person.  They seemed more caring about her and this makes sense since they were not paid  according to her decision. Most of these ministries are staffed by trained volunteers.

What is so sad is that the  only one who mentioned the option of adoption is the abortion provider. It was mentioned in passing but at least it was mentioned!! Come on pregnancy  resource centers.

I sit on the board of a non profit that is working to accurately address all the options in an  unplanned pregnancies and give accurate, updated information about the option of adoption correcting any negative adoption language.  The number of adoption decisions are so low that they don't even track them....less than 1%. Why is that? It is because people have an outdated and inaccurate picture of adoption. They choose abortion over adoption as preferable for them and the baby. Can you get your head around that thinking??

Check out this website to find out more about this non profit.  We may need to expand to Great Britain but we have much work to do in the US as well.

Teen pregnancy...get the facts.....innovative program is educating our teens

Decisions Choices and Options.....making a difference in TN and beyond....check out  the website here.
 

TN: Reality TV stars coming to panel presentation on teen pregnancy In Hendersonville, TN

Teen pregnancy on the rise in Sumner, experts say

Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra of MTV's "Teen Mom," addressed local high-school students when they visited Hendersonville in January of 2010. The two will speak at Long Hollow Baptist Church on Friday, May 13. They are pictured here with Heather Burns (left) of Decisions, Choices and Options. / FILE PHOTO

What: Teen pregnancy forum: What every parent should knowWhen: Friday, May 13; dessert and coffee at 6:30-7 p.m.; forum at 7 p.m. Where: Long Hollow Baptist Church, 3031 Long Hollow Pike in HendersonvilleHow much: Free and open to the public 

 
For more information, visit decisionschoicesandoptions.org.

In 2009, 257 Sumner County girls ages 10-19 dealt with an unplanned pregnancy.

This and other statistics have inspired a local pregnancy-awareness organization and a high school to c0-host a teen pregnancy forum with the topic of “What every parent should know” on Friday, May 13 at Long Hollow Baptist Church in Hendersonville.

The event aims to create a panel discussion between the public and guest speakers, such as Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra of the MTV series “16 & Pregnant” and “Teen Mom,” educators and experts, to ultimately address the life-changing consequences of teen pregnancy.

“Within the last two years, I have seen more pregnant girls than I’ve seen in nine years,” said Joi Wasill, founder of Hendersonville-based Decisions, Choices and Options, a teen-pregnancy educational program that is hosting the May 13 event.

“We really want to encourage parents of middle- and high school-aged students to come and learn how to talk to their children about the long-term effects a teen pregnancy can have on a family. Data shows that the No. 1 influence on teens’ sexual behavior is their parents.”

Tennessee ranks 8th in teen births

According to the latest available data from 2011 from the Division of Health Statistics’ Office of Policy, Planning and Assessment at the Tennessee Department of Health, 257 Sumner girls ages 10-19 were pregnant in 2009.

That number reflects national data from the National Center for Health Statistics that also reported in 2010 that Tennessee ranks eighth in the number of girls ages 15-19 who give birth in their teens, which excludes younger mothers.

Wasill is one of several volunteers who speak at 52 high schools in Sumner and six other Middle Tennessee counties about the three options available to pregnant teens: parenting, abortion and adoption. The idea for the forum, however, came from students in a family and consumer science class at Beech High School in Hendersonville.

“The students approached us about this,” Wasill said. “We did not approach them.”

For the past nine years, however, Wasill and her fellow advocates, have been addressing pregnancy with teens. And one of the most striking facts they have learned is the lack of knowledge of teen pregnancy consequences among children and parents.

“They don’t understand that if they decide to have sex, become pregnant and a parent, that will affect them educationally, financially and socially for the rest of their lives,” Wasill said. “One of the many things they need to be aware of is that the educational attainment for a teen mom is very bleak.”

Few teen moms earn college diplomas before age 30

Only 38 percent of teen mothers graduate from high school, and fewer than 2 percent earn college degrees by the age of 30, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

“The daughters of teen mothers are three times more likely to become teen mothers themselves,” Wasill said. “And the sons of teen mothers have a 3 to 13 percent higher incarceration rate. They have so much misinformation about what’s going to happen, and that’s why the goal of our program is to educate parents, who can then educate their children.”