The truth about adoption: It is time for outdated views to go

Cross Posted at Live Action News.org

Wasills

Jacob Wasill was nine when he shared his adoption story with his class. He was stunned and hurt when the response of one of his classmates was…”Hmmm, so your real mom didn’t want you?” When Jacob’s parents, Billy and Joi Wasill mentioned to friends that Jacob was adopted (an event not a lifestyle), the friends thought Jacob was lucky, Billy and Joi were wonderful, but had disparaging remarks about his birth mother.  When Joi’s best friend’s teenage daughter got pregnant and knew that marriage and parenting were not possible ; she made an adoption plan for her preborn child. She wanted an open adoption and selected a couple that lived in the area. As the pregnancy progressed, she backed out of that decision. She said that every day at school she met with nothing but disparaging comments from her classmates and even some teachers about her decision to make an adoption plan. ’Don’t you love your baby? No one will ever love the baby like you do. Your baby will grow up to hate you for giving it up for adoption were typical comments she endured each day.  She was made to feel like she was a bad person. These events propelled Joi to do something to correct these outdated stereotypes of adoption and show adoption as the  loving and life affirming option that it is.

An educator by training, Joi knew that the community and especially the schools needed to be educated about the beauty of adoption. Adoption today is not like the inaccurate TV movies filled with drama.  Adoptions today can be confidential, semi open or open with the birth mother making that decision. Outdated and negative adoption language needs to be replaced with positive adoption language. The birth mother is not “giving up,” she is making an adoption plan.  Contrary to the negative image, birth mothers making an adoption plan are brave, courageous and practicing sacrificial love.   Research tells us that less than 1 % of unplanned pregnancies end in adoption. This has tragic consequences for the child and our country.

Her original presentation was known as The Adoption Option and presented to one high school in her hometown of Hendersonville TN in 2002.  This was followed by other requests and soon turned into copy written curriculum known as Decisions, Choices and Options.  Today this nonprofit currently educates approximately 12,000 students every year in middle Tennessee. The engaging, fact based and impeccably sourced material is accepted in public and private schools. Pregnancy Resource Centers are partnering with Decisions, Choices and Options in Tennessee, Alabama, Florida, Missouri, Mississippi, Kentucky, North Carolina, Ohio, Michigan, South Carolina and Texas to present this prevention education program.

Studies have shown that when presented the facts of adoption and what it looks like today, teens are more likely to choose adoption in an unplanned pregnancy so their child can have life and an abundant life as a member of a family headed by a married mother and father.

 Joi Wasill can be contacted at bwasill@bellsouth.net

DCO presentation

Adoption is Love...so just give me a chance

Song: Give me a chance...by Karl Kohlhase

Does Marriage Matter to Children

After reading Dr. Land's article "Adoption: The Best Option," I was reminded of a recent television show produced by the Oprah Winfrey network titled "Fatherless Sons" Lifeclass. On that show, about 150 men were part of the television audience, ranging in ages from 12 to over 70 years old. Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant held a very frank discussion of the impact fatherlessness has on our nation and our children. When asked by Oprah to define what a father is, Iyanla said "Protector, provider, to be a model, a demonstration of what it means to be a man." Oprah then stated that fatherlessness in our nation is "an epidemic." According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 41% of all babies born in the U.S. are to unmarried women. In some communities, it is almost double that amount.

One of the many professionals participating in the program, Roland Warren, the former president of The National Fatherhood Initiative, stated that "kids have a hole in their soul in the shape of their dad" and that there are "consequences to father-absence." From the 12-year-old boy to the 70+ year old man, heartbreaking stories were shared about the deep hurt, rejection, and aching that exists within these men for a Daddy. Statistics and data were shared on the outcomes for men who are raised in fatherless homes: twice as likely to go to jail, less likely to graduate college, earn less money, more likely to father a child out of wedlock, and so on.

A series followed the "Fatherless Sons" class that was aimed at women, "Daddyless Daughters." It was the same format and basically similar outcomes for the women. Audience members shared their deep ache to have a man, a father, to love and protect them. Promiscuity among fatherless girls was one of the outcomes that Iyanla discussed in depth. Statistics for the women were not any better than for the men.

So back to my question and the article: Does Marriage Matter to Children? According to the data, yes. In my work as an educator, I encounter teens and teachers alike who share stories of heartbreak in the lives of children. Teens from unmarried homes are 40% more likely to become pregnant, less likely to attend or graduate from college, more likely to repeat grades, and so on. In an article in The Atlantic, data is analyzed which leads the author to state "Adolescent family structure has important implications for family formation among young adults." He says that children from less privileged homes are even more positively impacted by married parents. The likelihood of living in poverty is much greater for children whose mothers are not married. Children who are born to unmarried parents are more likely to live in poverty and to have poor developmental outcomes. (Rebecca Ryan, "Marital Births and Early Child Outcomes: The Moderating Influence of Marriage Propensity." Child Development, May/June 2013)

Clearly, the benefits to children growing up in a home with a mom and dad who are married are great. When young women experience an unplanned pregnancy, the outcomes and consequences of that child being raised by an unmarried mother must be considered. Fully informed decision-making demands no less. The option most often chosen by young women in this situation is parenting, abortion is the second most chosen option, and adoption is a very distant third with less than 1% of women of any age choosing this option. All of the options are hard; they each have very different outcomes and will be a decision that this woman will live with for the rest of her life. So will the child in two of the options. Let me share with you the comments of a 14-year-old young man in regard to the choice made by his biological mother when faced with this difficult decision:

"I love my family, my school, my church and my life. I also love playing paintball with my dad and friends, playing football and hanging out with my friends. All of this might not have happened if a very brave woman, my birth mom, hadn't chosen life and adoption for me. I was adopted when I was a newborn. I was one of the lucky ones whose birth mom chose adoption. She wanted me to have a mom and a dad who were married and ready to be parents. I think she is one of the bravest people I know of and so are you if you are a birth mom! Her sacrifice gave me a great life and a chance to be everything she wanted for me. There are so many parents who want to be moms and dads that there are enough for all of us!

So from all of us kids who were given the blessing of adoption, I want to say a very big 'THANK YOU!' You are a hero to a child!"


Those comments are from my son whose birthmother chose adoption, picked my husband and me to be his parents and gave us the greatest blessing we will know on this earth. Adoption is the option most likely in 2013 to provide a child with married parents, given the statistical data from the U.S. Census Bureau. If marriage is so beneficial and healthy for children, we must look more closely at the option of adoption and the benefits it brings to children, families and our nation. There are an estimated 2,000,000 couples wanting and waiting to adopt.

Joi Wasill is a wife, mom, educator and the founder of a teen pregnancy education program operating in schools since 2002.

What not to say about adoption

Honored to have a guest post on Jill Stanek blog.

from Jill Stanek.com

Guest post by Susie Allen, Pro-Life in TN

Statistics tell us that 50-55% of teens experiencing unplanned pregnancies choose single parenting, 30-35% choose abortion, and less than 1% choose to place their children for adoption.

These statistics are disturbing. What if we could reverse the statistics of abortion and adoption? With two million couples waiting to adopt, why doesn’t adoption seem to be an option on the radar screen of parents experiencing unplanned pregnancies?

One reason appears to be that even in well-written articles, adoption is framed in outdated and negative language. Even some professionals who deal with teens have an inaccurate view of adoption, perpetuated by made-for-TV movies showing adoption as it was in the 1970′s. Today, options aren’t so limited, with open, semi-open, and confidential adoptions.

The nonprofit educational outreach, Decisions, Choices and Options was founded by Tennessee teacher and mother Joi Wasill, with the goal of correcting inaccuracies surrounding adoption. The group offers a copyrighted curriculum now being presented in eight states by 52 trained agencies. Since its inception, this program has reached 55,000 high school students.


From the group’s website, some ideas of correct adoption language (click to enlarge):

I’m not “giving up”

Statistics tell us that pregnant teen are choosing single parenting 50-55%, abortion, 30-35% and adoption is less than 1%.

Isn't this alarming?  Just imagine if we could reverse the statistics of abortion and adoption?  With 2MM couples waiting to adopt, why is adoption not even on the radar screen?

The reason appears to be that even in well written articles, we continue to frame adoption in outdated  and negative language.   Even  some professionals that deal with teens have an outdated,  inaccurate viewpoint of adoption generated by made for  TV movies that show anomalies or view adoption as it was in the 1970's.  Today we have open, semi open and confidential adoptions. Using negative adoption language contributes to this misrepresentation.

 A nonprofit Decisions, Choices and Options, was  started to correct these inaccurate views. This  copy written curriculum is now being presented in 8 states by 52 trained agencies. Since its inception by  Joi Wasill, an educator and mother by adoption in middle TN, this program  has presented to over 55, 000 high school students.

The next time you talk or write  about adoption, please consider the impact of your language.

Don't use Because Instead, say: Real, Natural parent Implies that adoptive relationships are artificial, tentative. Birth or Biological parents Own child Suggests that adoptive relationships are less important than biological relationships. Birth child, child by birth To keep Children are not possessions, and they need care, love, and commitment. It's not like "keeping" a thing. To parent Closed adoption Implies that the experience of adoption, rather than just contact between parents, is over. Confidential adoption Taken away, given  up Denotes that children are stolen or forgotten rather than adopted legally and with forethought. Birth parents always "keep" feelings for their children. Termination of parental rights Is adopted Adoption is a one-time event, not a definition of a person. Was adopted Available, unwanted Waiting children are wanted. The right family just has not been found, and they are not available to whoever is interested. In need of a family, waiting Adopted child, adoptive parents In most contexts, qualifiers are not needed. Adoption creates a full, permanent relationship. Son, daughter; or mom, dad Illegitimate Children born to unmarried parents should never be labeled or stigmatized. No replacement Give away, put up Does not accurately describe the birth parent's decision-making process and responsible choice. Make an adoption plan; choose adoption Hard to place Labels the child and unfairly places blame on him or her for needing an adoptive family. Child who has special needs, waiting child Foreign adoption While more acceptable in the past, today "foreign" has negative connotations. International adoption

Adoption not abortion RTL of MI has great ads....

NARAL feels VA teens need more protection from parents....

Abortion  promoting Huffington Post  posts an article about their surveillance of VA parental notification laws with regard to the judicial bypass. Everyone knows that abortion mills are all too happy to hand over the  phone numbers of friendly judges that are known to grant automatic bypasses with no questions asked. But NARAL is shocked by the  ignorance of the VA court system....

"In more than a dozen cases, the caller was transferred at least six separate times before speaking to someone who could answer the question..."

Well welcome to the bureaucracy....

"The red tape and lack of information in the courts are particularly troubling for pregnant teenagers who are victims of rape or have life-threatening health conditions. Those girls are supposed to be able to bypass the entire consent process in Virginia, but many are not informed of their legal options and cannot receive straight answers from court employees."

Are you kidding me....NARAL wants minors who have life threatening health conditions or are victims of rape not to inform their parents?? Sure!!!! A minor with a life threatening condition needs to have surgery without parental notification?! Seriously???

Rape victims need referral to the state social services for protection and counseling while the perpetrator needs to be facing prosecution! But not with the abortion industry....the perp pays for the abortion and the abuse continues all without the parents knowledge. Check out Live Action undercover videos to see them in action.

"The teen education effort, called "Pregnant Teen VA," includes resources on the judicial bypass, abortion, adoption, birth control and parenting."

Okay, this one makes me laugh out loud. NARAL wants a confidential judicial bypass so the teen can make adoption plans or plan to parent without the knowledge of their  parents. They really have nerve even suggesting that is their motive. Ya, a teen is going to go through pregnancy and give birth make an adoption plan or choose to parent and their parents will never know!

There is only one reason for NARAL to want a robust bypass notification procedure...to usher minors in for an abortion while still in a crisis mode and send them home to unsuspecting parents to deal with the emotional and physical after effects of a secret surgery. You see the abortion industry knows that if parents get involved it is harder to close the $$$ sale.

They have no shame....but we knew that all along. Wait, this isn't the end of it. I clicked on this so called "professional" site they set up  and saw their inaccurate and outdated adoption language of giving your child up etc.... and they warn against agencies that try to sway your decision. But alas.....their slip of the tongue turns into a slip of keyboard where they say you can abort anytime including after birth.
Yes, we know it is called Live birth abortions. 

Women may begin the process of abortion any time after they find out they are pregnant, including waiting until after birth. NO adoption is finalized until after the child is born, and you are free to change your mind any time before that. After signing, you may have a short time to change your mind but this will need to be discussed with a lawyer.


Had to get a screen shot of that one...... click to enlarge....

Pat Robertson dissess adoption...you are the weird one Pat...time for you to go...

I am still stewing about this...I couldn't agree more with Russell Moore in this piece. I know this is a pro life blog but this IS on topic. Many abortion advocates say who is going to adopt these children and we say we will . Well this man  wouldn't and guess what...... he has a TV show and calls himself Christian. As an grandmother by adoption who welcomed two toddlers from an orphanage in Russia, I say to them....we won't get upset if you are not perfect if you won't get upset that we are not perfect either. We love you and are so glad you are in our family.
From Russell Moore....

 "Let me just say this bluntly. This is not just a statement we ought to disagree with. This is of the devil. The last go round, Robertson “clarified” his statements on a man leaving his sick wife. Didn’t mean to say it was right, he said, just that the man’s got to have some companionship and a divorce is better than adultery. Please. Robertson’s defenders said to me in letters and calls and emails that Robertson is just not what he used to be mentally and that you ought to hold him to a lower standard. That would be true if people were tapping his phone, or going to his house and recording conversations. However, the man is on television, representing to millions of people what Christianity is about. The issue here isn’t just that Robertson is, with cruel and callous language, dismissing the Christian mandate to care for the widows and orphans in their distress. The issue is that his disregard is part of a larger worldview. The prosperity and power gospel Robertson has preached fits perfectly well with the kind of counsel he’s giving in recent years. Give China a pass on their murderous policies; we’ve got business interests there. Divorce your weak wife; she can’t do anything for you anymore. Those adopted kids might have brain damage; they’re “weird.” What matters is health and wealth and power. But that’s not the gospel of Jesus Christ. For too long, we’ve let our leaders replace the cross with an Asherah pole. Enough is enough." 

Andrew Breitbart Addresses students For Life, CPAC,1/10-2012... I was adopted...

"This is the most important issue...."

Andrew Breitbart 

Walters: Mother by adoption but supports abortion

Barbara Walters is a mother by adoption...yet she supports abortion. Is it a matter of I have my child so now I don't care?  I personally know two people who are mothers by adoption and pro choice. Where do they think their children came from? Again, is it a matter of I have mine so now I don't care about the rest? I cannot understand.


No Barbara, no child is unwanted....two MM couples waiting to adopt.

"I think that in order to even think about having an abortion, to give up a child that is obviously unwanted, that’s why you’re doing it, it is such a tremendous decision, it’s involved with so much fear of what you’re doing and guilt.

 Wait! Then to have to go and be forced to hear, to see the fetus, to hear the heartbeat, to put more guilt on you, I think is heartbreaking."

Fear and guilt....if it saves a life...what's the problem. These ladies on  The View  are disgusting.....

Ryan Dobson.... on a birth mother's love

Except for some inaccurate adoption language...give up for adoption as opposed to make an adoption plan..good video showing how much love and courage it takes for a birth mother to make an adoption plan.

Abortion profiteer aborts one child and adopts another....

Fascinating article in Salon from a profiteer of abortion.... she is proud of her material benefits and staunchly defends abortion rights with some amazing comments.

Recently, Merle Hoffman gave a copy of her forthcoming memoir, “Intimate Wars,” to Sister Dorothy, a regular protester stationed outside Choices, the Queens, N.Y., abortion clinic that Hoffman founded.
“You know, it’s so honest,” Sister Dorothy told Hoffman after reading it, “but sometimes Satan cloaks himself in truth.”

She denounces the pro choice movement for their timidity....

The problem is that the pro-choice movement is uncomfortable with itself. I’ve always said that, and I’ve always believed that,” she says. “We’re not comfortable with the banner we’re under,” meaning that abortion is still largely a taboo even among pro-choice women. Part of the problem is that the natural constituency of pro-choice values is still largely silent. “You know how many women have had abortions?” Hoffman says. “Abortion is as American as apple pie. I think it’s one in three. But we’ll go on TV and say, ‘I just had my tits done or had a bikini wax,’ but not had an abortion. If you could see that constituency rise up at one point in time — but they don’t, because there’s this cloud.”

She has convinced herself that society hates abortion because they are anti woman.  As she sees it, [the] " act of abortion positions women at their most powerful..."  Wow....is she really meaning that the act of killing gives woman power? Probably,  since Roe Vs. Wade basically says that a woman has dominion over the life in the womb. To live or die....such power and power can be a strong aphrodisiac.

She also writes about her own abortion, which occurred after she’d been running the clinic for several years, in similar terms. “With my choice I was fighting for the right of all women to define abortion as an act of love: love for the family one already has, and just as important, love for oneself. I was fighting to reclaim abortion as a mother’s act. It was an act of solidarity as significant as any other I had committed.” Years later, after the death of her husband, she adopted a daughter from Russia.

Talk about schizophrenic thinking....she aborts one child and adopts another and calls the abortion which she acknowledges" stops a beating heart" an act of love.  I think Sister Dorothy comment is spot on.

“but sometimes Satan cloaks himself in truth.”

I have a feeling that Sister Dorothy's  persistent prayerful presence may be the catalyst for this woman to come out of the industry much like Abby Johnson and others.

picture from Salon article

Conceived in rape and adopted at birth...I grew up in a happy home and reunites with birth mom now age 100.

So when you hear that the only answer to rape is abortion, read this story. 

Young 16 year old girl is raped by 3 strange men and carries her baby girl to term. The baby is adopted at birth. Now this was 77 years ago and confidential adoption was the only option back then. The birth mother did receive updates on his birth daughter until the adoption agency changed management and then there was no more information. 

When the birth mother was 94 years old, she was discovered by a biological grandson  and went on to have a wonderful reunion. The baby reported that she grew up knowing she was adopted and had a happy life. She married and had six children including one son who became an astronaut and flew on four space missions.


So all I could think of was those who say that the only solution for rape is abortion. Just think of the generations that would have been wiped out. The birth mother felt nothing but love for the child who was conceived under such terrible circumstances. The child grew up in a happy and stable home.

Photo:AP: Joe C. Hong

PP reports shows bias to abortion as options counsleing

 Options counseling at Planned Parenthood means counseling for abortion. Why would they counsel you to options that do not make money? They don't! So don't let them give you the double talk that they support options other than abortions. Those that have left the industry tell us they were trained as sales people. They were to pick up on your hesitation or objections and then press with standard talking points. I remember Carol Everett who owned abortion mills in Houston saying ....we looked for their most vulnerable spot and then pressed on that point exaggerating it to make  the only option .....abortion. She was paid a commission on each abortion. Do you think they pay counselors to refer for adoption or parenting. Read this analysis derived from their own reporting.
And who supports PP....we do with our tax money.  46% of their support comes from govt. funding. 2012 should be the year we end that.

"The trend at Planned Parenthood has been for its non-abortion services for pregnant women to decline while its number of abortions performed has increased. The 2009 annual report Planned Parenthood released earlier this year showed a 25 percent drop in prenatal care clients and a whopping 59 percent decline in adoption referrals from the 2,405 adoption referrals in 2008."

Thankful for adoption.....

The shameless selling of abortion

Some are asking who would have abortion ads  (see previous post) offering $50 discounts for Sunday abortions . Is this made up? Is this satire? 

Sadly no....look up Orlando Women's Center who boast   5 locations. There website looks like a posh spa ad  even saying free WIFI availability. Wow, would you want to check your email or post on Facebook during their speedy abortion?   How's that for multi tasking? The callous nature of what is being advertised is almost beyond comprehension.  

I clicked on one of the flashy tabs with information about Reasons for abortion. It is the most shameless promotion of abortion....from minimizing the killing of a human life to dissing the option of adoption and normalizing abortion as the only reasonable alternative to an unplanned pregnancy.

They do not pretend they are there to offer you a choice....they are shamelessly promoting this choice for profit...... and a profitable one at that.

There is no disputing that human life occurs at conception, but fertilized eggs used for in-vitro fertilization are also human lives and those not implanted are routinely thrown away. A human being is not a citizen or has rights until it achieves personhood. Personhood is achieved only after the fetus is born. When personhood is reached and a life is taken, it is called murder. Is it murder to throw away fertilized eggs? If not, then how could abortion be murder?

Adoption is not an alternative to abortion, because it remains the woman's choice whether or not to give her child up for adoption. Only very few women who give birth choose to give their child up for adoption. Less than 3% of white, unmarried women and less than 2% of black unmarried women choose giving their child up for adoption. Women think that it is more of a sin to give their full born child up for adoption than to have an abortion

Over 750,000 teenagers become pregnant every year. 80% of those end in abortion. Teenage mothers who keep their pregnancy face grim prospects for their future. They are likely to leave school, receive inadequate prenatal care, and rely on public assistance to raise a child, develop health problems, or end up divorced.

Wait a minute, per the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, latest  stats the correct numbers are for teens choosing parenting-55%, 
teens choosing abortion 27%,
 pregnancies ending in miscarriage is 14%
<1%  choose adoption.
So this 80% is a bold faced lie designed to normalize abortion and discourage adoption and parenting. Shameless does not begin to address this.....